I'll believe it when I see it.

When I saw this on my weather app this morning, I had to do a double take: what on earth is that white stuff it predicts on Saturday? I understand how blessed we Californians are for the wonderful year-round weather, but it's hard to see the glass half full this time. It was literally warm enough for me to wear just a t-shirt yesterday, today it rained all day, and Saturday it's supposed to snow?! What is this? It feels like some alternate not-California universe! Okay, I'll stop complaining now. Sunshine Sunday, perfect for a hike maybe :)

It's officially the weekend, which means I finally have some time to relax. I've got a little arts and crafts project planned, a skype date with my best friend Morgan, and a night at the Sir Francis Drake Hotel in San Francisco with Laura and Kate. I absolutely cannot wait to get out of Berkeley (if even for just one night) and shop and relax and just have fun.

Coming up on the blog:

• My arts and crafts project
• Update on the fitness plan
• My quest for a new camera

Hope you all [Kendall and Paige!] have a wonderful weekend!

And now for some reflection.

on one of my hikes! Top of the fire trails in Berkeley--and I promise it's far more incredible in person.

When I woke up today at 7 AM, I thought to myself, "Hey, in 12 hours it still won't be time for me to go to bed." Always nice to start my day off with some pessimism! Sarcasm aside, though, I just realized I have now been awake for more than 17 hours. There are only 24 hours in a day. If I spend 17 hours of a day awake, that means there are only 7 hours for sleeping. And with the way I toss and turn and wake up with a pin drop, even 7 hours is a bit of a stretch. But stressing about it is no way to fix it.

I have just been too stressed/drained/blah to deal. I think I need some quality sleep and relaxation.

Oddly enough, this external drama was all I needed to get out of my personal funk. I haven't felt sorry for myself in over a week. Maybe things are looking up after all. Spring break is only three weeks away!

Life is hard sometimes. That's about all there is to it.

Smarter, Better, Faster, Stronger

Today, as soon as I woke up, I went on my usual 3 mile run to Safeway. I've run this route probably 30 times in the past year, but for some reason this morning felt really different. Since my grandpa's funeral yesterday, I feel like I've been noticing him everywhere: when all the grandchildren released balloons into the sky and they all drifted toward the beach, when the older gentleman sitting next to me on the plane made small talk (which my grandpa would have done, because he could make friends with anyone), and a million other little things that just let me know that he's here.

Usually during my runs I huff and puff and struggle to get through it. And while I certainly walked a good portion, I felt stronger than ever before. At my grandpa's service yesterday, a couple people talked about how steadfast he was in Alcoholics Anonymous. He was always good for inspiration, and would never hesitate to take a new sponsee or a midnight phone call begging for help. I know I was inspired by this steadfastness and diligence to the task at hand. My shadow may have depicted a sluggish pace, but as I ran, I felt stronger, taller, and more empowered than ever before.

As sad as I am to see my grandpa Nick go, I am forever grateful that he's now constantly by my side helping me navigate through life.

It's called the happy list for a reason volume IV

Today I caught myself smiling, without any real reason. Maybe my new resolutions to be happy are working! I did all the things I set out to do, and not only do I feel accomplished, but I feel proud of myself. Here's a quick list of the things that made me happy today :) I encourage all of you (so really Kendall and Paige, because you're the only ones reading!) to start happy lists too! It's such an easy way to focus your energy on the positive. And it's fun to look back and remember what exactly I was talking about when I wrote certain things down (inevitably putting a smile on my face)...:)

<--This cute little card my best friend sent me! Isn't she the cutest?! I used to hate Valentine's Day but now I appreciate it because it is a day in which it's totally acceptable to tell people how much you love them.

Having a sunburn in February! I know it's no bueno for me, but a little bit of color on my skin immediately brightens my mood

Country music. Reminds me of home, high school, and summer. Such happy memories.

• My family. Above all things, I love my family. Without fail, my family makes me happy. I could not have been blessed with better people to call parents and sisters. Cheesy but true.

Hope your days were filled with sunshine and smiles! XO.

Today is a new day

This morning I woke up and I decided that I was going to be happy. I've done enough moping around the past couple weeks: making excuses not to go out, doing homework instead of just wasting time with friends, and spending far too much time stressing about things that don't actually matter (of course, I've been stressing about things that do matter too, but you get the idea). So, I've made some new resolutions to hold myself to, and hopefully I'll make some progress in the happy department.

• Spend more time outside. You know how health experts are always saying you should spend at least 15 minutes in the sun everyday? Well I have not been getting adequate Vitamin D lately, that's for sure (and my Casper-like appearance tells the whole world!), so today I did some reading up on the roof. The weather is far too gorgeous not to take advantage of, so I might go back up for a little more sunshine.
• Exercise and eat well. I feel so much happier overall if I feel good about my body, and eating healthy foods and exercising regularly make me feel stronger and sexier. Plus, exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don't shoot their husbands.
• Always have a non-school book to read. I am going to try to take breaks from schoolwork when I can. Right now I'm reading Anne Lamott's Grace (Eventually) and next up is Eat Pray Love.
• Write myself love letters. I got this idea from a Shape magazine article, and I'm going to start tomorrow by writing myself a card as a reminder of the things I love about myself.

Any other advice? I'm a work in progress.

Goodbye Grandpa

My grandpa in the Navy--probably circa 1950

Nick Radke was a good man. He was a lot of things to a lot of people--a father, a husband, a fellow 12-stepper, a rocket scientist, a patient--but I knew him in the role in which he truly shined: as a grandfather.

When I was little, there wasn't a birthday, graduation, or minor holiday that went by that he missed. He would travel all the way from Orange County, with a box of licorice for each of us, just to spend a few days with my family. Sure, he told a lot of bad jokes, and sometimes he talked too loudly, but what was most apparently obvious was that he cared, with every fiber of his being, about his grandchildren. We would sit and talk for sometimes hours at a time, and he never ran out of questions or advice for me. I remember when I was really really little I would always wake up at 5AM or earlier on my birthday, and I knew he wouldn't mind if I woke him up, so I'd knock on his bedroom door, and he'd come and open it and hand me my birthday present. It's those kind of smaller memories that meant so much, and I'll treasure them forever.

It's really weird to think that he's gone forever. I guess it'll sink in when I don't get the cheesy Surf City birthday card this year, or when he's not around for Thanksgiving. The funeral is Thursday, so hopefully I'll be able to find some closure. But for now, I'm left with the memories.