the end is near. and happy birthday kate!

"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..."

today marks my last first day of classes as an undergraduate.

feeling a host of mixed emotions--pride that i have gotten this far, and anxiety about what is to come, but mostly a tremendous sadness that i will soon have to say goodbye to the best four years of my life, and to the people and place that have come to mean so much to me.

me on my very first day of college! the blonde was a poor life choice.

i can remember my very first day of classes like it was yesterday. i owre a bright yellow dress and a gold headband in my hair. i threw up before my first class, which in college terms would generally be the result of alcohol consumption, but in my case was just a touch of nerves. (i swear, i didn't even go out the night before class!)

college has been hard. my freshman year especially. but these past four years, i have found myself, and as cliche as that sounds, i truly mean it. that wide-eyed, hopeful freshman is still in here somewhere, but she has been mostly replaced by a strong, confident woman who has come into her own. i have endured painful heartbreak these past 3.5 years, but i have learned from every single minute. i am insanely grateful for the opportunities that berkeley has afforded me, and i cannot imagine having gone to college anywhere else. this is the place i belong.

my graduation is four months from yesterday. i know these four months will fly by, but i am making a conscious effort to enjoy every last minute. i am going to embody that tom petty quote above. college has been so good to me, and i want to make sure it knows how much i've appreciated it.

today is not only my last first day of classes, it is also my best friend kate's 22nd birthday! or, as we are calling all our birthdays this year, it's the first anniversary of her 21st birthday. we will be celebrating in our usual tuesday style tonight (taco tuesday, then kip's) and i cannot think of a better group of people to be spending the night with.

happy birthday kate!

on "winter" and the end of college.

Ah, the glory days. Summer 2011. I guess it wouldn't be too bad to welcome summer again.

In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.

-albert camus

sometimes i get so wrapped up in winter that i forget summer will ever come around again.

not that i have much to complain about. california's current weather hardly qualifies as "winter."

but still.

it's dang cold

and my skin is not down for that chill on my face. helllllllo moisturizer!

my feelings are so torn about summer's rapid approach this year.

usually i ask for it, beg for the sunshine, tanlines, and juicy fruits and veggies.

i download a countdown app on my iphone

so that i can watch the seconds tick away toward three months of bliss.

but this summer,

summer 2012,

means real life.

no more waking up at noon already in my swimsuit and heading straight for the pool,

no more late nights watching the stars.

no more seemingly endless and hopeful weeks that seem to stretch on for eternity.

this summer means

a job

my own apartment

paying bills

and having to work on my birthday.

it means responsibility

responsibility

responsibility

and probably less fun.

with graduation looming before me, i am dreading the eventual arrival of summer. how bizarre is that?!

so for now, i am going to soak up every minute i can of this seemingly perpetual winter. i will embrace the coats and scarves, the frost on the windshield, and the piercingly brisk air. i will cherish the rainy days, long nights, and chapped lips.

i won't complain when the weather forecast doesn't read over 70 for weeks at a time. or when i have to trek to class in a coat and rainboots, only to arrive drenched in sweat from walking so fast.

this winter means college.

summer brings a new challenge,

one that i'm not sure i'm quite ready for.

yet.

i have 6 more days left of my very last winter break ever, and i intend to make every moment count.

this winter, i am digging deep for my invincible summer.

happy wednesday, y'all!

senior year lessons

(once again, i suck at blogging. should i preface every post with this disclaimer? maybe one day i'll commit to doing this thang regularly. probably not though)

it's october 10

which means the first semester of senior year is about halfway over

normally i'm very much a glass-half-full kinda person

but in the case of the end of college rapidly approaching

i'm having a very hard time being positive.

how will i ever say goodbye to the best four years of my life?

so i'm trying to challenge myself to savor every last moment.

i'm compiling a list of lessons i've learned so far this year

so that next year when i'm a real life grown up

i'll be able to appreciate everything college has taught me outside the classroom

here it goes

Jordan's Senior Year Lessons,

Volume 1

1. there is never any reason not to have fun. this year i've even learned to make studying fun. laughter is truly the best medicine, and from now on i'll live life with fun as my #1 priority.

2. count on the people around you. my best friends are honestly and absolutely the best people i know, and i don't know what i'd do without them.

3. the music should always be loud and the drinks should always be strong. 'nuff said.

4. don't go to happy hour and then try to work out. unsuccessful. live and learn though, right?

5. rainy days are for laying in bed, and sunny days are for laying in the sunshine.

that's all i got for now. i love senior year and i really really love my life.

college, i think we're in this for the long haul.

senior citizen.

the wall of my dorm room freshman year

My first day of senior year is today! I kind of really can't believe it.

It seems like just yesterday that I was a little baby freshman, throwing up before my first class because I was so nervous. (or maybe it was all the welcome week alcy...)

And now I'm a big bad senior. Everything that happens this year is my last something.

last recruitment,

last first day of school,

last first game day.

I'm so excited for my real life to start,

but I so wish college would stick around a little longer.

The Semester in Review

I literally cannot believe the spring semester is over. Time sure flies.

So here's my breakdown:

This semester was by far my worst

and conclusively my best

semester I've had as a student at Cal.

Why the worst, you ask?

I battled minor depression (but I admit it, so I feel like that's a positive thing)

My beloved grandpa passed away

My three best friends were 21 and could go fun places without me

Becoming president of my sorority was in a lot of ways a huge mistake and it was really really hard on me at first (and continues to be, but I have learned to handle it better)

Why the best, then?

I rocked all my midterms/papers (earned an A on every single one!)

I finally FINALLY made exercise a part of my life. It's not something I have to do; it's something I want to do. It's helped me lose some weight, but most importantly it has helped me love my body

My sister Kendall got into almost all the schools she applied to, and I'm so excited to say she'll be joining me in the Pac 10 next year! Bears > Huskies ;)

I've begun to navigate my way around this blogging world, and I've found such an amazing support system and endless source of entertainment

But most of all, I've figured out how to be me in this world.

Despite the tears and stress of this semester, I am grateful for it all. I hope I never go through so many tough things at one time every again, but I will also be forever glad I learned so much about myself.

I am so excited about all the prospects of senior year! Lighter course load, getting a job, being 21, and making the most of the last year of the best time of my life. I am enjoying summer so far, but cannot wait for senior year to be here already.

I'm a senior in college!

Ahhhh! I am currently freaking out. Last night I finished my last final and closed the book on junior year. I can't believe I just have one year left! I don't ever want this to end.

I'll be recapping junior year in the next few days, and can't wait to share how much I've learned with you all! And I just started compiling my college bucket list, so get excited for that as well :)

In the meantime, packing like crazy and enjoying my last day in Berkeley for three months!

Happy summer!

One month away...

from being a senior in college. Where the hell did the last three years go?

I signed up for first semester senior year classes today. I'm almost 21. I'm almost a real person. It seriously feels like yesterday that I was calling my best friend Morgan to meet me before the first day of freshman year of high school. That's all done with, and the next phase is almost done too!

Am I having a quarter-life crisis?

In 5 years, I'll be 25, almost 26, probably have my Master's (maybe multiple...I really like school), hopefully be working in a career I love. Will I be married by then? My parents already knew each other when they were my age. The past 5 years of my life have gone by in literally the blink of an eye. I feel like I was 15 five seconds ago.

This all goes strictly against my last post about living in the moment. Maybe it's because I'm procrastinating, maybe it's because I signed up for classes today. I need to stop thinking so much.