Happy Birthday Kendall!

Happiest birthday to my favorite 18 year old, my little sister Kendall! I hope your day is absolutely wonderful and I'm so sorry I can't be with you to celebrate. Love you to the moon and back!

just a baby and already she's disinterested!

One month in.

Top: the Campanile in the sunshine! Read why I love Berkeley so much here.

Middle: Some crazy citrus fruit I found in a family-owned market in Bakersfield. Appetizing?

Bottom: The main wall in my bedroom at home. Kinda cool, right?

January is officially over (Happy February everyone!), so I think now's a good time to evaluate my performance on my New Year's resolutions. Consider this a self-assessment of sorts.

1. Start and keep a blog-- Done! I've maintained pretty well, in my humble (and biased) opinion. In December I had absolutely no idea just how horrible January would be to me, so I'm grateful that I have this blog as an outlet for my frustrations/sadness.

2. Floss everyday-- Done! Now that I have my own bathroom in the sorority, it's so simple just to floss, brush my teeth, and wash my face without ever leaving the comfort of my room.

3. Get in shape and truly make exercise a part of my life-- I'm gonna rate this as half complete, because I don't want to jinx it. But I did finish a 7 day work out challenge today, and moved on to Level 2 of the 30 day shred.

4. Remind people how much I appreciate them-- Done! I am so so so happy to have such strong support systems around me, and I remind them just how grateful I am :)

5. Be the best leader I can be-- Certainly making every effort. I feel that I've been approachable, reasonable, and understanding in my first few weeks. But there's always room to improve!

6. Deep condition twice a month-- Done! And I got my hair trimmed! Double done.

7. Take every opportunity to travel-- In the month of January alone, I made three different trips to southern California. I'm seizing the opportunities that present themselves!

8. Update my happy list more regularly-- Done! I've been trying to write at least one thing everyday. And I made some excerpts of the list features on my blog! Here, here, and here.

9. Remember my 21st birthday-- Hasn't happened yet, but my half birthday is tomorrow!

10. Fall in love-- Negative!

11. Document everything with pictures-- Could definitely be doing better at this one, but I'm trying! (See above!)

12. Save money-- No, but I certainly haven't spent excessively. Okay, that's not being true or honest with myself. I haven't spent to my usual excess.

13. Read the newspaper while I drink my coffee every morning-- Need to work on this one!

14. Keep meticulous to-do lists-- Done! Unfortunately it feels as though I'm living my life by to-do lists right now.

15. Find something beautiful/meaningful in every experience-- I'm certainly trying! I know there is beauty out there, and I know that everything happens for a reason.

It's called the happy list for a reason volume III.

Things that make me happy today:

• My perfectly dysfunctional family
• Hummus and cheese on toast
• Completing Day 6 of my 7-day challenge (TaTa Tamer here I come!)
• That my Grandpa made it through another day (and likely more days as well!)
• Facebook chatting my dad (because I'm so cool)
• That my opinion matters.

Life will get better eventually. Of that I am absolutely certain.

Timing is everything.

Just a random musing about the validity of this old adage. But furreal, timing is everything. And everything happens for a reason. No accidents, just meant-to-be's.

This week was eye-opening, to say the least.

it's called the happy list for a reason volume II

I decided to make my "things that make me happy" lists a recurring series on this here blog. I think I've been in a funk since I got back to Berkeley, and for some reason the constant sunshine and exercise haven't pulled me out of it. So, I'm making a conscious effort to be ever more aware of the little things that put a smile on my face. Here's an excerpt from my little happy book:

• Funny autocorrects
• Blowing kisses (or getting them blown at you!)
• My cute little ceramic coffee mug
• Reading other people's blogs
• When someone lets you cross the street
• Waking up early
• Having a constant support system

That's all for now. Life is beautiful, even when it feels like constant rain :)

Everything happens for a reason.

Today I found God.

Let's back up a bit with a preface: I do not proselytize, I do not wish to proselytize in any way, and I most certainly do not believe my belief in God is the correct one or appropriate for anyone else. I did not believe in God for quite a long time myself, so I completely identify with and understand opposing viewpoints. Preface concluded.

So let's talk about my relationship with God. I was raised Catholic and attended church kind of regularly and even volunteered in the Confirmation program. But around my senior year of high school I lost all faith. How could someone who supposedly loved his creations so much allow such pain and suffering? And prayer, don't even get me started. What good was that gonna do me? I fully believed that I was the only person who could help me. Me, myself, and I, facing this world all by myself. Coming to college only reinforced my beliefs, especially in being exposed to some of the brightest scientific minds in the world. There is no way this whole god thing can be real. And those people who constantly espouse their religious beliefs on campus, on Facebook, and in pretty much every other public forum? Losers. I found no way to reconcile even a morsel of faith with my desire for knowledge. I guess I was agnostic, meaning that I did believe in something bigger than myself, but I most certainly had no belief in an omniscient god watching over me and loving me. Even up to a few weeks ago, in reading some of my favorite blogs, I would cringe at the mention of religion and god. They don't need to tell me about this stuff. I don't care. God isn't real.

So what changed today? The past week and a half has been rough, to put it lightly. I don't think I was depressed, but I was unquestionably overwhelmed and was not handling it well. I had a mini freak-out Thursday night and it felt so good to cry. Then I survived the weekend and broke down again on Monday (which I am actually dumbfounded to remember was just yesterday). Things have just been off since I've been back in Berkeley. My friends are great, my classes are interesting, but I just couldn't find any happiness (so maybe I was a little depressed...). Then today I had to stay on campus during my break to deal with some soror business, and after I finished everything, I sat in this really random area of campus I had never sat in before. The sun was so direct that my forehead got sunburned, but that is really beside the point. While I was sitting there reading about the Civil Rights Movement, these two girls approached me. They said they were a part of the Campus Crusade for Christ (which I had heard of) and wanted to conduct a survey. So I said sure, why not. They handed me a stack of photographs and I had to choose which ones represented the way my life was, where I wanted it to be, what I thought "god" was, and who I wanted "god" to be. As I was choosing, I was awestruck. In describing one of my photos, I said that I wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason, and the girl who was very evidently in charge of the interaction said that she felt like she sat down with me for a reason. She asked if I had heard of Campus Crusade, and I said that my sorority little sister was involved. Turns out, the girl had met with my little sis earlier today to talk. What a small world! What are the chances that this woman would come up to me, when I was out of my routine, on the very same day that she had met with my little sis (one of the most important people in my life), which just so happened to be a day in a long series of very painful and sad days?

And that's when it hit me. God reached out to me today, to tell me He's still there. And that He loves and cares about me. Everything happens for a reason, yes, because God loves us. Sometimes things have to suck so that we can remember how strong we are, and sometimes we deserve all the happiness in the world, because everything happens according to His plan. When the girls walked away, I cried a little bit and called my mom. She cried while I was talking to her, and said that she had asked God to show me He's still there. And that's precisely what He did today. I am so grateful and blessed, and have never believed more fully that everything happens for a reason.

So where does this put me? I know beyond any doubt that Campus Crusade is not the right forum for me, because I am still not down with preaching to others who believe in something else or don't believe at all. My heart probably still belongs to Catholicism, but really what I'm concentrating on right now is building up this reinvigorated relationship with God and restoring my faith. The whole organized religion thing is a whole other ballgame.

Wow, I feel good.

**This will most likely be the last post on religion on The Happy List. As much as I want this blog to be about my personal journey, I don't want it to offend/make anyone feel uncomfortable.

The City of Lights

Good news: perhaps just to spite those who doubted me, I somewhat impulsively put down a hefty deposit for a month-long study abroad program in Paris for this July. My friend Kate (the sassy ginger) is also going, and I know that we are going to have the best time.

I signed up on Thursday and have since been obsessively researching what will unquestionably be my favorite city in the world. This website is entirely comprehensive: it tells me what to wear, where to eat, and where to have fun. I have all these romantic notions of drinking wine in the sunshine, eating crepes as I walk down the Champs-Elysees, wearing a beret, and taking cheesy touristy pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower. Before I go, I want to get a fancy camera so that I can take pictures like this and claim them as my own:

Ugh, I am so envious of my future self. June 29 cannot come soon enough!

We also plan to travel every weekend. We only have class (sidenote: should I take a photography class or the history of haute couture in Paris?) Monday-Thursday for 2 hours, so we figure we'll explore Paris thoroughly during the week and spend each weekend in a different European city. I want to see Rome for the history and architecture, and Barcelona for the beaches and nightlife. Any European travel tips are greatly appreciated!